Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
