so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Buhtt sex?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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