Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
