After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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