I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
