Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
