people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
