you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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