My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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