He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
