pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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