If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it was like eating out sand paper
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
