i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
