Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
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