feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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