I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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