I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
