i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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