Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
