fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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