I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
