Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
