try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
