Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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