he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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