Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
