we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
