My Higher Power is John Stamos
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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