I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
