There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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