OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
