I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
