I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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