Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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