I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
