i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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