Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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