Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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