the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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