A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What a dumb baby whore.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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