I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
