So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
