meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
