I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
