At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
