Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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