you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
