when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
