I'm so fucking centered right now
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
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It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
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As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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