Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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