There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
