felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize