Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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