there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
