At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
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i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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