Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
