and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think people are normalizing furries
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
