I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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