I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
