3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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