Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
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Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
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You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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