My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
