I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
