Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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