worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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