the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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