How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
