She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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