i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
