Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
