So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
