I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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