I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
