Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
