allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
